Sometimes I tend to find myself in the position of representing everything that Christians have done wrong. Ever. Which is quite strange, really, as if people expect Christians, who believes that the world is fallen and people sinful by nature, to be some sort of moral paragons. What do I say to this?
Many of us do try our best to be loving, really, we try our best to do what is righteous in the eyes of the Lord. The thing is, it is obviously, painfully not enough. Even our best efforts att loving-kindness towards God and our fellow man is not enough to heal the bleeding wounds of this world. It is not even enough to heal our own wounds, and we walk bleeding through life. At least we are still walking.
I know I can't speak for everyone, but as I draw on my experiences together with other brothers and sisters in faith I can say that many are acutely aware of their shortcomings. No matter how hard we have tried to be the mildest and meekest, no matter how much time and money we have given away, no matter how intense our prayer is for others well-being are. The meek one turns his meekness into a thing of pride, and still has wrath in his heart for those who abuse his good nature or mock his faith. The charitable one gives away, how much was it again? If 10%, why not 20%? If 20%, why not 30%? Why not give everything you own to the poor? And the prayerful one, when he honestly reviews his prayer, finds that he prays far more for himself than for others.
Do you know what happends next? We despair. We despair at our shortcomings, and that even when we exert ourselves, we are still part in the fallenness and suffering of this world. What do you want us to say for our deficiency in the virtue-department? For whatever we can be accused of, our hearts have already put forward that accusation. Mea culpa, mea culpa, mea maxima culpa.
What can the poor soul do then, strained of the burden of striving for moral excellence with certainty of an inevitable failure? To who would we go, if not to the one who has the words of eternal life? (John 6:68) For he who speaks those words of eternal life is also bleeding and broken, and with blood does he seal his community with poor sinners, who he welcomes into his body as a place of repose. And he does not accuse us when we come to him, he does not reject us for failing to uphold the high standards of virtue, for "the sacrifice you desire is a broken spirit. You will not reject a broken and repentant heart, O God." (Ps. 51:17). And there we are. Still sinning. Still believing. Still walking.
"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light." (Matt 11:28-30)
CRUCIFORM THEOLOGY