My conversion(s)

I am a born-again Christian.

There.

I said it.

When I became a Christian at the tender age of fifteen my faith was very intellectual in nature. The critical and intellectual way of thinking about faith has (un)fortunately stayed with me. I have a fairly large archive of very neat and well-reasoned arguments about christian faith and doctrine. So, I became a Christian when I figured that the most reasonable belief was that in Christ crucified. Not only is it rather tragic how you can think of a god being tortured and executed as reasonable, it is also highly inconvenient having that tortured and ex-executionee Jesus constantly and rudely barging into my life and disturbing my orderly thought processes.

Another inconvenient thing is perspective. Maybe I didn't become a Christian when I was fifteen. Maybe I actually became a Christian when I was sixteen and was baptised in the name of the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit. When I lowered my head into the baptismal font I was without knowing thrust into a completely new place in the world. Suddenly I had become a citizen in the Kingdom of God. I had become a mighty priest before God in the priesthood of all believers. I had become the annointed heir of the God of Poverty. All those fancy titles were suddenly mine and in many respects I had become a new person.

I was born again, and mom had baked a cake for the occasion. Thanks be to God.

With two conversions already under my belt I had become  rather good at this whole Christianity thing, right? That's probably true until you get hit by the extreme sense of unworthiness and failure that you get when you're trying to follow and emulate the living incarnation of the Almighty and All-Merciful God of Hosts. All those fancy titles I got in baptism did not seem to count for much. But that's the thing. They do. For being born-again ain't a singular miracle. It is a miracle-in-action, and God is still working hard in order to convert me. It feels like I have a conversion experience almost every day, and that I become a Christian every day. Just as Jesus said to St. Peter: "I have prayed for you, that your faith may not fail; and you, when once you have turned again, strengthen your brothers" (Luke 22:32). I will, Lord. I will turn again. And again. And again. And again.